To be an advocate is to be a friend: Spotting the subtle signs of DV

From a bystander’s perspective, signs of domestic violence can be hard to spot unless you have personal experience. If you have not been in an abusive situation before you might believe that the only signs of abuse are physical indications such as marks or bruising. This is the case for physical abuse; however, physical violence is not the only form of ill-treatment.

Domestic physical violence is when an intimate partner attacks OR threatens to assault their partner. Physical violence can be spotted by the above-mentioned indicators along with frequent injuries that are excused with accidents, frequently missing work, school, or social occasions, and dressing in clothing that hides arms or legs especially noticeable during the summer such as wearing long sleeves.

Sexual violence is defined as any sexual act that is nonconsensual or an attempt to obtain a sexual act using coercion. Indications of sexual abuse can be change in behaviors, fear of being alone with certain people, changes in quality of work or grades, careless behaviors, appetite changes, strange sleep habits, and problems walking or sitting.

Emotional abuse can also be called psychological abuse. A perpetrator can emotionally abuse their victim by insulting, humiliating, or instilling fear. The signs of a victim’s emotional abuse can show as low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and difficulty with relationships.

Perpetrators can also strike with financial and technological abuse. Controlling the money or the use of technology freely.

Signs of domestic violence can come in many forms and can sometimes be hard to notice because there are so many. Often, survivors fall victim to multiple types of abuse that make it even harder to pinpoint. One of the most common signs for all types of abuse is self-isolation. Abusers often try to keep their partner to themselves to hide evidence of their abuse.
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Just because your job title is not a victim advocate does not mean you cannot be the voice for someone who is experiencing these crimes. Even if you believe you may be wrong, showing someone, you care may end up saving their life. Talk to the person in private and reassure them that they are in a safe space. Let them know that what they say is confidential and you are willing to help in any way you can. To be an advocate is to be a friend.